:D (nympthetamine) wrote,
:D
nympthetamine

Some people don't deserve a first chance.

From this very moment I refuse to be anything but honest with myself. I have long put off the inevitable and lived in the past as a way to foster some kind of pseudo-security.

Here lately I have not acted in good faith, not been intransigent as it pertains to what I believe is right, and definitely not believed in myself in any respect.

Frustrated and conflicted are one in the same annoyance. A lot of what I do is just a facade; its redundant, contradictive, and generally miserable. I really just want to be myself, within myself, by myself.

Its so hard to just not say what I want. Open ended questions that require more than a simple 'yes', 'no', or 'maybe so' are going to be my ruin. Truly, I would rather be tarred and feathered than have to talk to some people. Its especially irritating having to entertain small talk, because really, I would rather grind my teeth against a wall than to have to conjure up descriptions about the weather and my plans for the weekend.

I like individuals, 'somebodies', 'us', etc.
Its 'people' and 'them' that unnerve me.

I know its close-minded and hateful, but I cannot help feeling overwhelmed by this at least three times a day.


AND no, the weather is not 'beautiful'. Its an atrocity that it is so hot, humid, and bright outside. It makes me feel like I am walking through hell everyday.
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